My car is falling apart and old, but it gets me where I need to go, even minus a rear view mirror. I drop my head when I know I’ve done wrong, but smile quickly when forgiven. I am moody and confusing, but I never mean to harm. I joke and tease, but respect the limits of others as I expect them to do for me.

    I have learned you can’t ask for anything you can’t give, but can accept a gift given to you without guilt, simply knowing your joy in receiving is enough for the giver. I apologize quickly but never say anything I don’t mean.

    I over dramatize to get attention and down play my talents to keep from disappointing others. I never do anything I don’t want to, but I don’t always do what I need to for myself. For me, a hug can fix anything. No matter how mad or hurt I am, I will open up after a hug. When I get cold and overly polite, I’m mad. When I lash out, I’m hurt.

    I can drink with the best of them or sip on a glass of wine. I love sitting and talking with a friend over a pint of ice cream all night and then falling asleep in the arms of someone I care about as the sun comes up. I love long walks at night near a lake and looking up at the stars and cuddling.

    I love campfires. Telling ghost stories and eating s’mores. I love singing corny camp songs and pushing each other into the creek. I like long hikes and the view from the top of the mountain. I like moonlight swims and getting warm in a sleeping bag together.

    I love water gun fights and tickle wars. I love pillow fights that take over the whole room. I love play doh and silly putty. I smoke candy cigarettes and know I’m cool. I love playing old video games and watching cartoons in the early morning hours. I like midnight kitchen raids, even if it’s my kitchen!

    I love making out on the couch and kissing in the rain. I love getting lost in your eyes and holding you tight. I love your fingers in my hair and brushing my face. I love your arms around me protectively and when you find the strength to let me go to do my own thing. I love when you hug me from behind so I can lean back against your love.

    I like loud music and driving fast. I sing with the radio that is always on. I like doing shots and then watching a Disney movie. I love sitting down and writing so fast my hand hurts and still not being able to keep up with my thoughts. I love late night runs to Waffle House and counting change for a cup of coffee. I love going to the grocery store and buying things that aren’t on my list and then running up and down the aisles looking for the stuff that was on my list I missed.

    I love making you laugh. I love being able to hear the music in your soul because you let me love you. I love waking up next to you because I know you stayed to calm my fears. I love telling you pointless stories to see if I can make you smile. I love sharing my dreams over breakfast and being held close when I wake up from a nightmare.

    I hate not knowing what mood I will be in next or when it will change. I hate saying stupid things to you because I didn’t take care of something I should have like sleeping or eating. I hate being sick because then I can’t be my best. I hate that I don’t like the reflection in the mirror, even though the eyes that look back at me are kind. I hate it when my hands shake or I get nervous. I hate it when I don’t do something because I’m afraid and trust me, I’m always afraid. I hate my head pounding at the wrong times and my dependence on substances. I hate my back and shoulder hurting so bad I can’t concentrate or hold anything. I hate messing up because I’m lazy or ditzy. I hate getting lost in depression yet again.

    But I love prayer meetings and reading the Bible. I love singing hymns and knowing I hit that note I never do. I love the Lord with all my heart and wish I could do more to show Him to others. All these things, I do, love or hate…I do because that’s who I am. I love you the way I do because God first loved me. I don’t have that strength in myself.