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Most know that I love a good joke. We all know that "good" is a matter of opinion, especially when it comes to humor. These are just a few jokes I thought were funny.
In the same vein as irritating the person in the stall next to you.
68 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and
stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs
together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the
restrooms.
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible
"sex and candy".
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think
we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and
turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so
long..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud
enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk
around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your
playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized
and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only
invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm
Batman. Come, Robin-to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't
you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them,
yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you
pick your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale
battlefield with GI Joe's vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with GI Joe's vs. GI Jane's. (Red lipstick
might give an interesting effect!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk
if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men and women's signs on
the doors of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission
Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaw drop
when you attempt to buy them.
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,
etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various
funnels.
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things
like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes
are talking to them
47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into
a very serious conversation. Exp.: The person is breaking up with you and
you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I
knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME
darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground
screaming and having convulsions.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If
the store has a food court, buy a soft drink: explain that you don't get out
much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin
stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not
putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in
various aisles.
53. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something,
quickly make off with it without saying a word.
54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet
way. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
56. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other
aisles.
57. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is,
then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with
him in that annoying, ditsy way. "Hi! (Giggle) What's your sign?
(Giggle)."
When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way.
"Hi! (Giggle) What's your sign? (Giggle)."
58. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
59. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
60.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially through
narrow aisles.
61.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
62.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
63.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
64. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your
Twinkies?"
65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are
any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
66. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for
a "test drive."
67. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
68. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when
hey don't realize it!